There are always the days when I sit and wonder what I am here for. Its a question I’ve been asking a lot lately. Whether in confusion or excitement, two different reasons for looking into the uncertainty of the future. I have all these hopes and dreams of what I want to do with life, some of them are constant, some of them change. I know who I am and I have a glimpse of who I will become. I have a glimpse of what God has laid out for me. I see this and at times I am exited, and others scared. I see who I want to become and how far I have to go before I become this person. These dreams for my life are only a small piece of what God has for me and yet even these pieces seem impossible for me to achieve.
In years to come I will look back and my life and stare in wonder of how my life has been molded and shaped. I can already see some of this now. Just looking back from the person I was five years ago the the person I am now, there is no small change. I can only guess that in another five years I will see similar steps and changes in life. The thing about looking back is that it is much like looking in a book. You don’t worry because you know things have resolved. I can look back in my life and see how at a time I was scared and confused, and seeing how I got through. I know now that I will find my next steps, either purposefully chosen or something I just might land into. But there is a mystery and suspense of not knowing those next steps that is both exciting, and more often than not, rather scary.
One thing about mystery is that it forces us to trust God. I have finally learned that I need to trust my life to God and follow his plans, it is what has led me out here, it is what will lead me on. This trust is further strengthened by times when things don’t seem so sure. It would be easy for me to make my own plans, to go my own way. I can’t explain it, but I just can’t let myself do that. So it is His plans, not mine.
Faith is a tricky thing. I’ve heard it said that faith and fear are mutually exclusive, that you can’t trust God and be afraid. Personally, I think that statement is completely wrong. Now I am sure faith is following God and not being afraid, God can grant you peace when choosing to follow Him. But here is another, and for me much more common example of faith: When every emotion, every logical stand and every muscle in you body is telling you are making a catastrophic mistake, and your head keeps telling you that you are doomed and you still decide to trust and follow what you believe God has set before you. That is real faith, that is a faith that strengthens your relationship with God. Once you go through that you start beginning to realize that God is more trustworthy than your instincts, your emotions, your body, and your logic. You begin to trust God more.
In years to come I will look back and my life and stare in wonder of how my life has been molded and shaped. I can already see some of this now. Just looking back from the person I was five years ago the the person I am now, there is no small change. I can only guess that in another five years I will see similar steps and changes in life. The thing about looking back is that it is much like looking in a book. You don’t worry because you know things have resolved. I can look back in my life and see how at a time I was scared and confused, and seeing how I got through. I know now that I will find my next steps, either purposefully chosen or something I just might land into. But there is a mystery and suspense of not knowing those next steps that is both exciting, and more often than not, rather scary.
One thing about mystery is that it forces us to trust God. I have finally learned that I need to trust my life to God and follow his plans, it is what has led me out here, it is what will lead me on. This trust is further strengthened by times when things don’t seem so sure. It would be easy for me to make my own plans, to go my own way. I can’t explain it, but I just can’t let myself do that. So it is His plans, not mine.
Faith is a tricky thing. I’ve heard it said that faith and fear are mutually exclusive, that you can’t trust God and be afraid. Personally, I think that statement is completely wrong. Now I am sure faith is following God and not being afraid, God can grant you peace when choosing to follow Him. But here is another, and for me much more common example of faith: When every emotion, every logical stand and every muscle in you body is telling you are making a catastrophic mistake, and your head keeps telling you that you are doomed and you still decide to trust and follow what you believe God has set before you. That is real faith, that is a faith that strengthens your relationship with God. Once you go through that you start beginning to realize that God is more trustworthy than your instincts, your emotions, your body, and your logic. You begin to trust God more.
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